Conversation with Daisy Pt. 5

These are actual conversations I have with our 1.5-year-old English Shepherd, Daisy. Note, I am interpreting Daisy’s barks, expressions, and intonation. But these are all true!

Singing…

I’m singing to Daisy, who is standing next to her ball.
Me: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true.
Me: I’m half crazy all for the likes of you!
(Daisy rolls her eyes)
Daisy: Just kick the ball to me.
Daisy: Oh, and don’t quit your day job.

Daisy to the rescue…

My son and I are having a play right.
I have a used paper towel roll I’m using as a fake sword.
I swat my son once.
Daisy: Get him, Jay!
I swat my son again.
Daisy: Come on, Jay! You can do it!
I swat my son again.
Daisy: Jay, you can take this old man.
I swat my son again.
Daisy: Never mind.
(Daisy leaps up and hits me in the groin)
(Daisy takes the roll from me)
(Daisy drops the roll at Jay’s feet)
Daisy: See Boy, that’s how it’s done.

Note: My son is a 230+ pound, so no sons were hurt here.

Ball TV!

We’re watching on tennis match TV.
(Daisy is chasing the ball)
(Daisy barks at the ball)
Me: Daisy, you realize that’s just an image of a ball. Right?
Me: You can’t get that ball no matter how hard you try.
(Daisy walks over and grabs another one of her balls)
(Daisy drops the ball at my feet)
Daisy: In that case, let’s use this one.
Me: Well played, Daisy. Well played.

Birds!

Daisy: Birds!! Birds get out of my yard.
(Daisy chases the birds)
(Daisy runs back to me)
Daisy: Oh if only they couldn’t fly I’d get em.
Daisy: Still, I drove them out.
Me: Daisy, what do you have against the birds? They are little and cute.
Daisy: They said really nasty things about you.
Me: Really?
Daisy: Nah, but they do poop on your car.
Me: Get em, Daisy!

Not me again…

I’m sitting in my office. I hear rustling in the kitchen.
I hear something hit the ground.
I get up and rush to the kitchen.
I see Daisy up on the counter using her paws to pulls a tray of bread closer.
Me: Daisy, what are you doing?
Daisy: Oh, hi.
Daisy: I suppose this looks bad.
Me: It does.
Daisy: See, I’m actually helping you. This bread has calories, so I am helping you lose weight.
I cross my arms.
Me: Daisy get down from there.
(Daisy drops down from the counter. She looks at me)
Daisy(walking away): Okay, but when you get fat, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Frisbee fake.

Daisy and I are out throwing and catching the frisbee.
I throw the frisbee one way.
(Daisy runs and catches it)
I start to throw the frisbee another way.
I hold the frisbee.
Daisy: Come on! Throw it! Throw it!! Throw it!!!!
I fake forward again.
(Daisy dashes off)
Daisy: I got it! I got it! I got it!
I throw the frisbee the other way.
Daisy turns: What?
Daisy runs towards the frisbee: I hate when you do this! I hate when you do this!!
(Daisy gets the frisbee and gives it back to me)
Daisy: I gotta admit that was fun.
Me: I thought you hated it when I did that.
Daisy: I’m a complicated dog.

Frisbee Break

Daisy and I have been throwing frisbees for about 30 minutes.
(Daisy gets a frisbee, and instead of bringing it to me, runs to the bushes)
(Daisy sits in the bushes with only her head showing)
Me: Daisy, what are you doing an Artie Johnson imitation?
Daisy: John, why are making a reference from the 1960s to a two-year-old dog?
Me: Good point.

Is Mommy Home

My wife is at her conference for a few days.
It’s 7:30 in the morning.
Daisy bangs on the bedroom door: Is mommy home?
Daisy bangs on the bedroom door: Is mommy home?
Daisy bangs on the bedroom door: Is mommy home?
Daisy bangs on the bedroom door: Is mommy home?
I finally get up.
I open the door.
I look at Daisy.
Me: You want something?
Daisy (peers into the room): Oh, I see mommy’s not home yet.
Me: Nope.
Daisy: Oh well, I guess I’ll let YOU let me out. I got birds to chase.
Me: You’re so kind.
Daisy: Believe me, it’s way better than the alternative.

Hey Human Turn Around

Daisy and I are out throwing the frisbee.
She runs and catches the frisbee and then dashes behind a bush.
I notice she is “going potty.”
Me: Hey, Daisy, why you being so shy.
Daisy peeks out from behind the bush: I just need some privacy.
Me: You’ve never needed any before. Heck, you pooped on my foot once.
Daisy: That was a statement.
Daisy: Besides, I was young back then. I’m two now. I’m almost a woman.

Herding Dog Here…

Our son has his bags packed and is heading back to school.
(Daisy runs and grabs his feet)
Daisy: You shall not pass!
Our son keeps moving forward, albeit a little slower and laughing.
Daisy: Stop! I demand it. I come from a long line of herding dogs!
(Daisy grabs his feet again)
Daisy: My grandparents still herd cattle.
Our son keeps moving forward.
Me: Face it Daisy, he outweighs you by 200 pounds you’ll never be able to hold him.
Daisy: Good point. Next time I’ll have to outsmart him!

Toys beat Play

I’m sitting at my desk writing.
(Daisy comes up and drops her toy tiger at my feet)
Me: Sorry, Daisy. I don’t have time to play with tiger now.
(Daisy walks away)
(Daisy comes back with her toy duck. She drops that at my feet)
Me: Sorry, Daisy. Still working.
(Daisy walks away)
(Daisy comes back with his toy, Santa. She drops that at my feet)
Me: Daisy, can’t you see I’m trying to work?
Daisy: Can’t you see I’m trying to play?
Me: Daisy, I have to work on this.
Daisy: I saw you playing Hearthstone earlier. Does that mean you like that more than me?
I stand up.
Me: Come on, Daisy, let’s go throw some frisbees.
Daisy walks beside Me: I love that you’re so easy to manipulate.

Hey I’m up

It’s 7:30 in the morning.
(Daisy comes and bangs on our door with her paw)
Daisy: Hey, guys, I’m awake.
Daisy: I know you want to know that I’m awake!
Daisy: Hey, guys, can you hear me? I’m awake!!
Daisy: Guys? Guys? You can let me in now I’m awake.
I get up and open the door.
(Daisy walks in. She jumps on the bed. She smiles)
Daisy: Aren’t you glad I let you know I’m awake?

Hot Frisbee

Daisy and I are out throwing the frisbee.
We’ve been at it for twenty minutes.
I throw the frisbee maybe 30 yards.
(She runs with joy and catches)
(She turns and comes back. She runs past me and into the shade)
Me: Let me guess you’re tired?
Daisy: No, not me. I could do this ALL day, but I’m worried about YOU.
Me: Oh?
Daisy: Yeah, I thought you could use some shade to cool down.
Me: Thanks, Daze.
Me: BTW, I could some cool water to cool down. How about you?
Daisy: Well, I’ll go in and drink with you just so you don’t go alone.
Me: Thanks again.
Daisy: I’d hate for you to get lost without me.

Missing Daisy

Daisy and I have been out throwing the frisbee again.
It’s been about 20 minutes.
I show Daisy the frisbee.
Me: Daisy are you sure you want me to throw it again?
Daisy: Yes, yes! Yes!! I love this!!
Me: You look, hot….
Daisy: I can handle the heat.
I throw the frisbee. It curves around the house.
(Daisy runs after it)
I wait.
I wait some more.
Me: Daisy?
No response.
I go to the back of the house. No Daisy.
I walk around the house. No Daisy.
I go inside. Daisy is sitting under the fan.
Daisy: Oh, hi. I changed my mind. The fan just called to me.

 

 

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